He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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