My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
