It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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