i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
