Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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