Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
