I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
