we have pet lesbian snakes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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