Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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