you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My pussy is not your playground.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
