put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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