Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
