Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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