the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
