Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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