You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
