this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
