There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
