Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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