got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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