Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
