My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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