Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
