I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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