Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
