My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
