3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
