She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
