I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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