In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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