don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
