Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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