I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
