omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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