I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
