To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
