apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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