Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
