Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
