Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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