DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
