I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
