This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
