If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
