cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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