Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
