Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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