You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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