Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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