He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
